She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
