No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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