M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize