No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
