I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
