exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
