why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
