Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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