Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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