I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
