Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
