i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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