3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
