Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
