Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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