Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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