I puked a lego.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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