I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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