Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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