bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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