hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
