you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
