ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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