these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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