you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
