Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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