Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
