We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
