alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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