i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He did a backflip because drugs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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