hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
