Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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