Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
