It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
