how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
