Got a toothbrush?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
