I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
