Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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