Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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