i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
