Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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