Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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