I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
