Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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