I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
