your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
