You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
