im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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