I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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