you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
