"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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