Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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