man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize