Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
