i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
