Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
