Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
