the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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