i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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