i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
