I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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