mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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