Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and she was petting her beer can
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
