I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
