Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
