I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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