hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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