There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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