He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
